Twisted from Medusa
Time really flies, doesn’t it? I mean, one minute you’re the prettiest girl in Athens, and the next you’re just a head! I mean, a literal he— Never mind for now. I don’t really want to relive it all, so I’m going to assume you know the story already. I’m only here to give you my perspective anyway.
My story is one of the first tales you hear as a kid, isn’t it? During story time or world studies (preschool edition) or whatever. You know, the evil crazy lady with snakes for hair gets killed by the charming dude who wants to save his mom. Or something like that. You know they don’t even tell the children why I have snakes for hair and all that crap? I know. It’s ridiculous. I’ll enlighten you, just in case that bitch Athena hasn’t already told everyone. Or you’ve been living under a rock or something. Brace yourselves … I thought I was pretty, and that pissed Athena off pretty bad, so she covered me in snakes and made me so ugly I’d turn people into stone. Huh. It doesn’t sound so awful when you say it aloud, does it? I bet you were expecting something a heck of a lot worse than this. Like, I killed babies or something. Nah. I was just
a little—okay, okay, a lot—vain. I mean, not exactly a role model for the kids but decapitation? Really?
The stories always say “Medusa was an evil monster with snakes for hair, and she turned anyone who made eye contact with her into stone.” And, yeah, it’s somewhat true, but they never mention the part when I didn’t choose to have it that way. You would think more people would figure it out. I mean, even most of the nymphs would give you an odd look if you casually mentioned wanting snakes for hair and the ability to turn people into stone via eye contact, and they have about as much sense put together as the snakes on my head. I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised but I still feel vaguely insulted that everyone seems to think that I deserved to die. Like, yeah, I murdered a few people but I’m pretty sure it counts as self-defense given that they were all trying to kill me. Not cool, dudes.
And here’s the part where they always bring up the stone dudes. Poor bastards. Every time one of them lumbers into my house that I share (with my sisters), I (or one of my sisters) tells them to bugger off, for their own safety. And, guess what? Not a single one listens. Honestly. Then they get turned into Stony McStoneface and everyone gets all pissy about how their pet hero didn’t return from the evil crazy lady Medusa. You’d think there’d be at least one hero where they’d have the common sense that if the monster told them to go away—they’d leave. Just in case you’re wondering? No. There isn’t. Apparently heroism and intelligence do not go hand in hand. Also, given that they were all trying to kill me, I think it was very courteous of me to give them the chance to leave, even if they wouldn’t take it. The buggers are so stubborn.
Oh yeah, and the house-share reminds me, that’s another thing that pisses me off. They always talk about how Medusa is so evil and creepy and likes snakes (which, by the way, are actually pretty chill—I think it’s the whole Slytherin deal that puts people off) but, they never mention my sisters, do they? I’ve already been turned into a monster and decapitated, so would it really be too much to ask for them to not spread rumours about me? Apparently so. And no one ever mentions Stheno or Euryale. Never. Except maybe that Hesiod guy, but no one seems to have heard of him any more, so a fat lot of use that is. My point is, they are snake monsters too, and maybe all of us snake monsters should be treated equally.
Which brings me to my next point. Perseus. I get it, dude loves his mom and wants to save his kingdom or whatever. Good for him. No, I mean it. He has a better motive than most of the a-holes we get up at the house. But I wish he could have picked a less murder-y quest. Or, even one that just didn’t involve killing me. I don’t care what he does, to be honest. I’d just rather not die as a direct result of it. I’d rather not die generally really, but I can live with just not being murdered. I can roll with that. I mean, I get it, his stepdad picked the quest and they didn’t have a great relationship anyway so it would’ve been awkward to ask, I guess, but I feel like my life is worth more than a bit of awkwardness. He could’ve worked something out, I’m sure. (Although, brains and heroes …) Oh yeah, and giving my head to Athena, so she could use me for her own protection? That was low, dude. I get that I tried to kill you, but that was low.
My final point: I still don’t understand why I deserved to die. I was ugly, sure, but I didn’t think ugliness was punishable by death (although, by the looks of Hades, I can see why it might be). Maybe I should come to my sisters in a vision and tell them to kill all the pretty people; see how they like it for a change. On second thought, that would only feed Athena’s whole “Medusa is an evil snaky bitch” campaign, which is pretty much the whole reason why I wrote this letter. Get the real story out there. Show that I’m not evil. (Well, not that evil.)
That about sums it all up, so, I guess, thanks for reading, and please, next time, tell the whole story.
P.S. You may wonder how I’ve written this, physically speaking, as I am 1) a head and 2) dead. I wonder myself sometimes, but 1,000-odd years trapped with Athena is long enough for anyone to learn to get creative … Oh, and just in case you’re planning to ignore this letter and still tell the original version of my story, I may reconsider my threat from earlier. Understood?